Throwing families out to give their houses to MICE

The R A N T of G L E N N glenn3@frontiernet.net
Glenn Jacobs / 130 N. Poverty Flat / Box 954 / Eagar, Arizona 85925 / 928-333-3517
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Greens move mice in; people out

Letter to the editor;

The PLF SENTRY reports that some outfit is taking families’ houses away by eminent domain and making them into shelters for some endangered sort of mouse.

But what do we know about the value of an endangered mouse?! Who are we to debate the wisdom of setting up some particular rodent in housekeeping?!

Now, this is very scientific, so everyone please pay attention: Since they want to increase the population of that sort of mouse, then put a bounty on them: Not dead, but alive and scurrying around.

Encourage homeowners to build bird-house-sized mouse-houses down under their porches. You know – with woven-wire fences around their little door-yards to protect them from cats. That way nobody has to move out to let the mice move in.

They could put special mouse-dinners out to attract more such tenants, and to prosper the ones already at hand.

Then, once a month, each homeowner would mail off a mice-in-residence report.

The environmentalists would be required to send checks to their mouse-keepers – say a dollar per month per mouse. This would keep it worth-while for people who keep the mouse-motels clean and safe.

The environmentalists could take an on-site, face-to-face mouse-census every so often to verify how many mice they actually have, so nobody would be tempted to collect a bounty on animals that are not even there.

Let's see, if every other female mouse has a litter of six every two months, then by this time next year they ought to be about ankle-deep in mice.

The men with the mice might be getting checks of several hundred dollars a month from the Greens. Green checks, that is; not government checks. This would give the Greens a personal motivation to decide when enough subsidized mice are enough. (If it were government money, they might never come to that conclusion.)

Glenn Jacobs
Eagar, Arizona